April 15, 2015

I've Lost the Weight but not the War

Wow, how much weight have you lost?  Don't you feel so much better?

I got these 2 questions a lot, and still get them.  It's understandable to want to know the answer to the first question, I mean I have lost more weight than what my 2 kids weigh combined.  But the 2nd always confused me a little.  I assume they are asking if I physically feel better, but the mental game has been a far bigger challenge.

As of today I have lost 68 lbs in just under a year and a half.  I am thinner than I have ever been and thinner than I EVER thought I would be.  I love trying on clothes that I never would have imagined would fit.  I still can't get used to wearing jeans as small as size 4 and wearing shirts that are size small or even XS...it still blows my mind.  Every.  Time.  It's fun, exciting, and joyous...most of the time.  But no matter how much you lose, how much you tone, or how many miles you can run, your insecurities will still find you or come up with new ones (usually closely related) - like those lovely stretch marks brought on by thing 1 and thing 2, the jiggly thighs or your second wave (that jiggling skin under your arm when you wave...if you have it you know what I'm talking about).  This can be seen with people addicted to plastic surgery - it starts with one little thing they want to change and next thing you know they've changed more than they've kept. 

Insecurities won't be the same for everyone, but everyone has them.  I have realized that no matter what I weigh, my weight will always be my insecurity.  Some days I look in the mirror or look down at my stomach and I see exactly what I saw 65 lbs ago.  Not always, but at least once a week, sometimes more.   I tell my brain it's crazy, there's no way I could button these pants if I was still that size and the scale says it's not true either, but the eyes and the mind are deceitful and very very powerful.  They can make you believe a lie, or many lies - you're fat, you're ugly, you're dumb, nobody loves you, you're weak, you can't do it, you're not worth it, you deserved it, you don't deserve it, etc.

So what's the point?

You can't find your happiness in things. 

This seems obvious, but how often do we try to make ourselves happy by - losing weight, finding that perfect relationship, buying that new dress that I really don't need, or whatever your insecurity is.  If you're not happy now, you won't be later...at least not for long.

And that's where this question "Don't you feel so much better?" always brings me.

No, I don't feel better.  Don't get me wrong, I am glad I lost the weight, I am glad I am FINALLY at a healthy weight but I am still the same person I was.  I was happy a year and a half ago.  I've been truly happy for almost 16 years now when I realized knowing Christ was the only way to have true joy and happiness.  I have a WONDERFUL husband, 2 beautiful (and crazy, funny, high energy) kids, great family, the best friends a girl could ask for, a nice home, a great church and the list goes on and on and on.  Losing weight didn't change that.  I was happy then and I am happy now.  True happiness comes from Christ alone so I didn't NEED to lose weight to be happy.  And I am so thankful for that!  Because if I did, I would now be chasing something else.

The weight was a battle, but not the war.

The war is finding your joy in Christ and Christ alone; and it's a daily fight.

The war is not getting caught up in the things of this world.

The war is being thankful for what you have and not coveting your neighbor's good fortune.

The war is knowing and using the truth of God and His word to fight those lies in your head.

The war is hard.  The war is long.  But it's a war worth fighting.

Keep fighting daughters of the one true king, and find some strong godly women to fight alongside you.


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